I've finally found the perfect girl, I couldn't ask for more, She's deaf and dumb and over-sexed, And owns a liquor store.

20 Things I want my children to know

It would be great if I could adhere to at least some of this :-)

  1. Be compassionate.
  2. Be honest. State your reasons why you do what you do.
  3. Don't offend or harm others.
  4. Whatever you say should be fit to be heard by anyone.
  5. Give freely: your time, your affection, your sympathy. Giving money often does not resolve a problem.
  6. Make it your goal to generate happiness and goodwill around you.
  7. Be courteous.
  8. Make sure to give more than you get.
  9. Aggravation and loss of quality of life is worse than financial loss.
  10. Admit defeat gracefully and be at peace with it.
  11. If you can't get others to understand your actions, you might just be doing the wrong thing.
  12. If you wonder why something has been decided in a way you don't understand, ask "cui bono?"
  13. Don't ask to be loved.
  14. Don't obsess about anything longer than 3 months.
  15. You have to be able to live happily on your own before you can live happily with a partner.
  16. Make sure to say sorry if you have wronged someone.
  17. Don't have enemies. If you do, work on the resolution of the conflict. If you can't resolve it, remove yourself from it.
  18. If something makes you unhappy and you can change it, change it. If you can't change it, learn to live with it in peace.
  19. Only pick fights that you have at least a chance of winning.
  20. When making cake or waffle mixture, always mix the flour, sugar and eggs into a smooth paste first, then add the milk.